December 13, 2023
POLIGAMI: BERMULA DENGAN CURANG
November 30, 2023
I am at my lowest.
This year is the second year I sadly witness graduation day posts in my Instagram. One by one, my friends have finally graduated in Master, but I'm still left behind. It should have been me in 2022, but unfortunately I am not. And as the year pass, it should have been me in 2023, but still, I stays in missing. My motivation level is often low, and it rarely reaches a high point. It all started, but I had so much hope at my first year of master. Delayed by countless delays, postponed by endless postponements, and eventually, I find myself lacking the motivation and ambition I once had. Hari tu dah feeling very high energetic to be back in track but maybe because of the family issue, and stay 2 weeks taking care of my mother in law made me can't reach my expectations and list. Semoga setiap pengorbanan dan kesabaran menjadi ladang pahala buatku.
Sometimes I wonder why, but maybe Allah had plan better for me, He knows the best time and year I finally graduated. Maybe with baby in my belly carrying my baby on the stage while my husband watching and waving at me on the stage.
Not just that, at this point I was thinking am I able to be a lecturer? Bila dah low motivation macam ni it is hard to me to set back and achieve my ambition. Lowest betul la right now. It has been so long I cry so much after solat, I nak graduate, I nak pensyarah tapi kenapa Allah duga macam-macam. I know it should be me myself that warm up my mind and body to be motivation, yes I question, but Why AKU MACAM NIII :((
I Finally Married Person
Penulisan kali ni agak ringkas dan padat, cukuplah sekadar update perkembangan diri dan jadikan platform meluah rasa disini.
June 21, 2023
Polis Wanita or Bini Polis?
I tak cukup kuat ke utk jadi polis? 💩 (SUKEM Teakwando 2016). Abaikan mulut gitu, sebab sis pakai mouthgurd |
June 12, 2023
Unexpected Love
I'm thinking about something that's been going around in my head and heart: the idea of love that comes from my best experience and magical unexpected love <3
Love usually comes into our lives when we're not looking for it. It sneaks up on us like a soft breeze, quietly touching our hearts and changing our world in ways we never thought possible. It is a mysterious force that goes against reasoning and makes no sense, but it has the power to bring a lot of happiness, growth, and fulfilment.
When we talk about surprising love, we mean when someone comes into our lives out of the blue and lights a fire in us. It may happen slowly, like a fire that gets stronger over time, or it may hit us like a bolt of lightning, setting our hearts on fire at once.
Unexpected love is so charming because it can make us question what we think we know and break down the walls we've built around ourselves. It shows us that love doesn't care about age, appearance, or what other people think. It just is, tying the minds of two people together in a way that can't be explained.
Sometimes love comes out of the blue in the form of a friendship that grows into something more. This is the person who knows us well, accepts our flaws, and backs us no matter what. It's the person who can see past our faces and loves us for who we really are.
In other cases, love comes out of the blue when it seems like it shouldn't. It could be the result of a chance meeting or a happy accident that changes the direction of our lives for good. It asks us to be open to the unknown, to take risks, and to believe in the power of the universe's divine plan.
Unexpected love can be exciting and make you feel good, but it can also make you feel vulnerable and unsure. It causes us to face our fears, let someone else in on our deepest feelings, and find our way through uncharted areas of the heart. But it's in those places where we feel weak that we find the most power and growth.
If you find yourself falling in love with someone you didn't expect to, enjoy it. Embrace the trip, enjoy every moment, and have faith that love will work out in the most beautiful and unexpected ways. Let your heart lead you, and let love show you the way.
May you be lucky enough to find a love that knows no limits, defies standards, and brings you unending joy.
June 4, 2023
Getting Ready To Be A Wife
March 10, 2023
IT'S OK NOT TO BE OK
Today I'm getting a head start on writing my thesis by updating this blog first thing in the morning. There's something I've been keeping inside for the past 15 hours that needs to be let out here. Thus on 7 March 2023 (Tuesday) I got an interviewed for the position of Pegawai Penyelidik Sosial at Jabatan Kesihatan Wilayah Persekutuan & Putrajaya. It was the first offer I'd received in almost three years since deciding to focus on the education profession (My study and RA things). I was psyched to start preparing for the interview. I felt that I needed to take action because I was becoming increasingly frustrated with my day-to-day activities, which consisted of getting up, doing house chores, and then going back to laptop-ing. I need dedication to force me out of my comfort zone and into new experiences, such as learning something new and talking to people from many background. What made me delighted about the location was that it is close to the workplaces of both my mother and my fiance. My thoughts at the time were focused on "Ni kalau dapat ni boleh pergi kerja dengan ibu", "boleh breakfast or lunch dengan tunang", "if dah kahwin nanti duduk Bukit Aman lagi senang nak pergi kerja". Seriously I let my wild thoughts like I will be accepted to the position :X
There is a dramatic situation that occurred before I was able to make it to the interview, but that doesn't really matter.
From what I saw in the email, 14 people are invited to the interview, but only 6 of them, including me, show up on that date. 1 man, 5 woman. When we were getting ready in this one room (Tak ingat apa nama bilik tu), we were given a test to complete in the 20 minutes that we had before our names were called one at a time for the interview session. To summarize, my turn received really positive response from the panels, Alhamdulillah. Throughout the interview, I am at ease. I tried my absolute best, and the feedback indicates that I will be hired. They said the result will be informed at the end of March and start working on early April.
10/3/23 - After Isyak
I opened my inbox and received a message from the same email account that offered me the interview, 'Dukacitanya". A little bit of a shock when I got the email that I wasn't the one they chose for the job. I was pretty sure at the time that I could get the offer, though. Can you imagine how positive they were during the interview and how well I got along with them sampai rasa glowwing and confident dapat :D
My Observation
I saw why I did not get the offer. The two most important factors are 1) AGE and 2) SINGLE.
1) I believe I am the only applicant who seems mature and aged :D
2) During the interview, I was asked, "Are you single? ", "Are you engaged? ", "Is your fiancé know you want to work?", "This is a demanding role, are you able to work on weekends?", and "Can your parents and fiance understand?".
To recap, they are looking for new and young candidates to fill the post, and they need he/she to be able to commit to and be ready for work twenty-four hours a day without failing. They may believe that since I am 28 years old, getting married, and likely to get pregnant in the near future that I will be unable to accomplish many things when they request.
Well, even before this, this problem has been circling about in my thoughts. I was thinking about how it is not all that simple for married women to create a career in the beginning since there would be issues with acquiring leaves for pregnancy manternity leaves (60 days) and so on.
Yet, I am somewhat disappointed since I want and like the job. Nonetheless, I am attempting to be more optimistic about the fact that I do not deserve the job since they do not deserve me. And I have the job that was created just for me.
I am currently enjoying the rezq that Allah SWT has given me, which is that I was able to spend time with my family, I have a loving fiance, I am able to concentrate more on my thesis, and I will get married this year. I look forward to other positive aspects, one of which is that this is not my rezq. All of them are the rezq yang I perlukan. InshaaAllah akan ada rezq yang tak diduga untuk I even more <3